So I'm not being too laid back after all?

This week I noticed I have very little will to do much wedding planning.  At this point, I feel like it is what it is.  Not to say I haven't enjoyed the process.  Everything really has been smooth sailing and thanks to the help of loving family and friends everything I dreamed of in my mind is coming to fruition. I am very excited for the day to come and to enjoy everything about it!

But like I said I'm at the point now where I just want to sit back and not worry about anything.  This has put a lot more weight on friends and family's shoulders, but they have so willingly taken it upon and for that I am ever so grateful.  So feeling bad about wanting to take a step back from the one holding the reins leading up to the wedding, I wanted to see if my feelings were normal.  Luckily for me, the Internet pulled through for me once again to prove to me that I'm just as crazy as everyone else. Phew! :)

According to this article, I'm in the Resolve stage which is the sixth stage of the Seven Emotional Stages of Wedding Planning for Brides.  This makes total sense given that we are less than 3 weeks away from the big day, which means were are closing in on the seventh stage which I am most excited about, Jubilation! :)

And let's hope I completely miss this stage...

3 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married

Saw this posted today on Facebook from iFact written by Admin khuy. 
For those who just want to jump to the point here are the 3 things the writer wishes he would have known:
1. Marriage is not about living happily ever after.
2. The more you give to marriage, the more it gives back. 
3. Marriage can change the world.

At first I want to disagree with #1, but when I read his reasoning I saw that really his argument goes along with my own thinking that marriage is about each individual's growth and development.   I highly agree with #2 and #3 and enjoy his discussion of these ideas.



3 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married


I used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married.

Marriage is great—but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed.

This “disruption” came suddenly and was disguised as a 5-foot-nothing Swedish-Filipino woman. When I decided I’d rather not live without her, I proceeded to ask her to marry me—that is, to officially invite someone who wasn’t me to be in my personal space for the rest of my life.

This decision introduced my most significant experiences and most challenging experiences—none of which I would trade for the world.

However, I wish I’d had a bit more insight on the front end of our marriage to help me navigate it all.

According to most research, more than 50 percent of people who say “I do” will not be sleeping in the same bed eight years from now. And though Scripture alludes to the fact that adultery and abuse may be reasons individuals might end a marriage, I’d be willing to bet that most challenges experienced in marriage are the result of unawareness. Most people—myself included—jump into marriage with suitcases full of misconceptions and bad theology, entirely unaware of the unique beauty and paradoxical intentions of marriage.


Although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight.
The following are three thoughts on marriage that friends and mentors have shared with me. I remind myself of them often in hopes of keeping this anomaly called marriage both enjoyable and healthy.

1. Marriage is not about living happily ever after.

Here’s the truth: I get annoyed at my wife. But this is more a reflection of me than her.

I’m intensely certain that nothing in life has ever made me more angry, frustrated or annoyed than my wife. Inevitably, just when I think I’ve given all I can possibly give, she somehow finds a way to ask for more.

The worst part of it all is that her demands aren’t unreasonable. One day she expects me to stay emotionally engaged. The next, she's looking for me to validate the way that she feels. The list goes on—but never ventures far from things she perfectly well deserves as a wife.

Unfortunately for her, deserving or not, her needs often compete with my self-focus. I know it shouldn’t be this way, but I am selfish and stubborn and, overall, human.

I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life—that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.

When we’re willing to see it this way, then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life.

2. The more you give to marriage, the more it gives back.

Over the past year, a few friends and I have had an open conversation about the highs and lows of marriage—specifically how to make the most of the high times and avoid the low ones. Along the way, we happened upon a derailing hypothesis that goes something like this: If one makes their husband or wife priority number one, all other areas of life benefit.


When we return marriage to its rightful place in our priorities, it can quickly turn into the greatest asset to every other layer of our lives.

It’s a disorienting claim. Disorienting, because it protests my deeper persuasion that success as an entrepreneur, or any professional, requires that career takes the throne of my priorities and remain there for, at the very least, a couple of years.


However, seeing that my recent pattern of caring about work over marriage had produced little more than paying bills and a miserable wife, I figured giving the philosophy a test drive couldn’t hurt.

For 31 days, I intentionally put my wife first over everything else, and then I tracked how it worked. I created a metric for these purposes, to mark our relationship as priority, and then my effectiveness in all other areas of my life on the same scale, including career productivity and general quality of life.

To my surprise, a month later, I had a chart of data and a handful of ironic experiences to prove that the more you give to marriage, the more it gives back.

Notably, on the days my wife genuinely felt valued, I observed her advocating for me to invest deeply in to my work. She no longer saw our relationship and my career pursuits as competitors for my attention, and as she partnered with me in my career, I have experienced the benefits of having the closest person in my life champion me.

Of course, marriage requires sacrifice. And sometimes it will feel as if it takes and takes. However, when we return marriage to its rightful place in our priorities, it can quickly turn from something we have to maintain and sacrifice for into the greatest asset to every other layer of our lives.

3. Marriage can change the world.

John Medina, the author of Brain Rules and a Christian biologist, is often approached by men looking for the silver bullet of fathering. In one way or another, they all come around to asking, “What’s the most important thing I can do as a father?”

Medina's answer alludes to a surprising truth.

In my previously mentioned experiment, I measured the effect that making my marriage priority number one had on different areas of my life. One of those areas was my 16-month-old son’s behavior.

What I found in simply charting my observations was that the majority of the time, my child’s behavior was directly affected by the level of intention I invested in my marriage.

Re-enter John Medina, the Christian biologist. After years of biological research and several books on parenting conclusions, what is his answer to the question, “What’s the most important thing I can do as a father”?

“Go home and love your wife.”

Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, the authors of Babywise, say it this way: “A healthy marriage creates an infused stability within the family and a haven of security for a child in their development process.” They go on to sum up their years of research by saying, “In the end, great marriages produce great parents.”

The point is that marriage has a higher goal than to make two people happy or even whole. Yes, the investment we make into our marriage pays dividends for us. But, concluded by Medina and his colleagues, the same investment also has significant implications for our family, our community and eventually our culture.

So men, women, the next time you find yourself dreaming about living significantly or succeeding in your career or being a better parent than yours were to you, do the world a favor: Go home and love your wife. Go home and and love your husband.

Zombies and Testing

Every morning I receive an email in my inbox called The Opening Bell from NEA (National Educators Association).  It gives links to articles concerning education around the country.  One article today that caught my attention was this Foes of standardized tests plan to hold 'Zombie rally'.

I like some of the points the article brings up about comparing the never-ending battery of standardized testing to zombies.  Some points are “How is a standardized test like a zombie? They’re mindless, and they just keep coming," and “They suck time and money from teaching and learning. Eventually they will eat students brains. But only if we let them.”

As I googled images to use for this entry, the image I chose was the only one I found that didn't make me cringe.  Zombies are pretty ugly, scary, and disgusting.  So I imagine this rally will stir up a lot of interest when it happens as adults and children parade down the street as zombies. So while I like the idea behind it, I think this will be one event I'll be sitting out on.

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2013/04/08/3966735/zombie-rally-set-to.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2013/04/08/3966735/zombie-rally-set-to.html#storylink=cpy

Should college women think about marriage?

Thanks to a Facebook friend I stumbled upon this article this morning. The article entitled "Why I Told Female Princeton Students to Find a Husband" rang quite true to me today.  I really see a viable argument for young educated women who are considering marriage to keep their options open to looking for marriage material while still in college. Now while not all young women will find a suitable marriage partner, while in college, it is a great time to begin scoping out what you want in a husband. 

I remember being amazed my first weeks of college at all the "smart" guys around me.  These were young men who wanted to do well in school, but not only that they enjoyed academia, engaged in thought provoking discussions, and had aspiring career goals.  This came as a pleasant surprise to me as I saw very little of this behavior from young men in high school.

As I think of successful college relationships I think of my sister and her fiance and my cousin and her husband. Both couples met while in college and have happy, healthy relationships.  I began dating Matt while I was in college, and we are on our way to the beginning of a wonderful marriage. One reason I believe our relationship flourished so much early on was because I was in college.  We got to take advantage of everything college life had to offer us which made our dates more fun and exciting.  Because I was going to school in the San Francisco Bay Area we got to experience more  culture, food, and people than we would have had we just been dating in our small hometowns; therefore, enriching our relationship. Within the coming months we will be moving to Provo, Utah where Matt will be finishing his degree.  As a newly married couple, it will be fun to once again experience all that a college community has to offer. It will undoubtedly enrich our lives once again.

As the article points out though, as woman enter the work place they will not find as heavy a concentration of these types of high quality men in one place.  This is not to say that all is lost for women who do not find the loves of their lives in college. There are plenty of women who find love later.  However, I do feel that would behoove young women to open themselves more to the possibility of going out on more dates while yet in college.  These experiences will also give young women more opportunities to learn and grow not only as students and professionals, but also emotionally as they develop the ability to have stronger relationships and learn more about their own interests and tastes. Even if dating while in college with the idea of finding a husband does not ultimately yield the desired outcome of finding a husband, when done with discretion and wisdom a young woman can ultimately come out all around better because of having tried.

Which religion is the most connected?

I have discovered a new love for spread of opinions, ideas, and news on the world wide web.  I love how an article can be shared instantly with thousands of people that never may have been able to access it in the first place.  This opens up the conversation to so many more trains of thoughts.  Wanting to jump in on the conversation on a small or large scale has led me to get back into blogging as well.

An article that caught my attention this evening was this one Are Mormons the most connected? If any of you watched general conference today and jumped on Facebook at the same time you probably noticed that a wave of people were posting quotes and thoughts from their favorite talks.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from the article:
"Hunter Schwarz, an Associate Editor for the social media news site BuzzFeed, and also a member of the LDS Church, has been tweeting about conference all weekend with observations that seem aimed at guiding his readers unfamiliar with General Conference. One tweet Sunday afternoon noted:
More people are tweeting about Elder Jeffrey R. Holland than will i am right now. #LDSConf twitpic.com/chrsuq— Hunter Schwarz (@hunterschwarz) April 7, 2013"

However, the article does go on to answer the question that Mormons are not the most connected:

"Mormons may not be the most connected people on the web, but they have clearly embraced it as a method of communication and connection ideal for a world-wide church."

It is still pretty cool to be able to see so many, particularly young, express their excitement for their faith more so than for the latest party or sporting event.

Mawwwige!

So Mawwwige has been on my mind a lot lately! And as my fiance Matt so eloquently put today, "I wonder why?" Could it be the fact I'm getting married in 19 days!?! Wowzer!

So I don't know what other people's experiences are like when it comes to preparing for mawwwige (sorry I just like saying it that way!), but for me I look it as something I really want to do well.  Now when I say that marriage is something I want to be really good at, I'm sure some people will jump to say I must be talking about fulfilling the 50's housewife stereotype...

part of it yes, but there is so much more to it for me than that. Let me explain. I have fallen head over heels for this guy.

Sexy, no? He makes a mean stir fry. He's smart, funny, spiritual, and a family man. He loves me even though I'm not perfect. He supports me in my endeavors. He makes me unequivocally happy. He loves life and he has so many passions: Star Wars, books, Lord of the Rings, Saving Private Ryan, movies, Brazil, his mission, and World War II to name a few.  He makes life fun and interesting! That is why I'm marrying Matthew Roger Siemers on April 26, 2013 in the Medford, Oregon temple and I can't wait! And because he is so awesome that is why I want to give so much back to him. I am on a quest to become the best wife I can be to Matt, but also for me because I know that if I strive to do my best in our marriage I will in turn will be filled with happiness, joy, and satisfaction beyond measure.  A happy, successful marriage is of course built on love and mutual support. As a result, I know that keeping a tidy home (yes, people, housework is important), giving emotional and spiritual support, giving affections of love, and doing so much more are so important to creating a happy marriage. I'm so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for this reason.  In so many ways I realize that my knowledge of the gospel is still growing, but one thing I realize that I truly understand is the importance of the family in the church.  I understand better how husbands and wives are suppose to care for each other and it turn receive so many blessings of happiness.  I am so excited to start this journey with Matt and can't wait to see what ways I grow and develop as I learn to love and give more.

Here we go again!

Within the last three weeks, I have begun using the Being a Writer program in my classroom.  I love it because I read examples of good pieces of writing to my students, then my students are given the opportunity to write, write, write, and write.  They can write in a style that is similar to what they just heard me read or they can write whatever they feel inspired to write.  At the beginning of the writing block I write for a minutes as well to model my love of and demonstrate the importance of writing.  Lately as I model and as I listen to my students talk about their writing experiences, I am reminded of how important writing truly is to express ourselves.  A 1980 Ensign article (Ensign is a monthly publication from The Church of Jesus Chirst of Latter-day Saints. To learn more about Ensign click here.) written by Janet Brigham when speaking of one gentleman's experience of keeping a journal expressed writing it this way, "He feels an urge to write that comes from within—an urge to express, to understand, to improve, to establish the validity of his experiences and his existence. When he sits at his typewriter to crash out a few quick pages or when he spends a quiet hour on a Sunday to catch up on the last few days, he is spending valuable time with himself, listening to himself." There is so much of ourselves that can be explored through our writing. So here goes another attempt at keeping a blog.  I hope to make it be what writing is truly meant to be - just an exploration of my thoughts as they come to me, not something that is meant as part of work or a regular routine.  So let's see where my mind takes me first...